Intro

As a parent, I know how difficult it can be to break the ice when discussing issues that we ourselves are uncomfortable talking about; I am therefore providing you with some conversation starters that can be used at the dinner table, while driving to a practice or event, or on the way to school.

As discussed in our Porn 101 section, your role is crucial in keeping porn out of your home, and there is no substitution for your active participation in helping your children form healthy, lifelong, ideas about sexuality and relationships.  It is important to create an environment where these issues can be discussed without yelling, lecturing, or attacking the character of your children; an environment where youth will feel sincere care and nurturing, that you are on their side and their opinions matter. 

The goal here is not to talk to your kids, but to get your kids to talk to you.
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How to generate a discussion

• Kids love to ask “WHY?”
  Learn from them, asking why questions is a great way to break the ice.  For example:  “I heard that the internet has millions of porn sites, and that kids as young as 8 are exposed to them… "

  ...why do you think there are so many porn sites on the internet?
  ...Why do you think kids look at porn?
  ...why do you think that porn is bad for you?

• Who, What, When, Where… are words to avoid; they all scream “Interrogation”! 
  Nothing ruins an opportunity to find out how your child/teen is feeling quicker than interrogating, assuming, and accusing.  The goal is to get them to share what they feel with you on a more intimate level, this requires trust, respect, and understanding even when we disagree.  They need to feel comfortable approaching you with any topic, knowing you will not freak out and go all “parent” on them.

  Interrogation Alternatives:
  How do you feel about…
  Why do you feel…
  Can you give me an example of…
  Do you know what…
  If you had a son or daughter your age would you…

• Use everyday opportunities to talk to your child/teen.  The media is full of stories about internet crimes, accidents, and scandals.  Many Kids are absorbing opinions based on what the popular vote at school is!  Beat them to the punch, discuss current events at dinner, get your child to form a healthy opinion on current news, based on their moral and social upbringing, not someone else’s!

  Some current examples:

  1. The News station reported that: “1 in 4 high school girls has an STD!”
     
     Conversation Starters :
     How do you feel about the news today that claims that 1 in 4 high school girls has an STD?
     Why Do you feel that way?
     Do you know the different STDs and how they can be contracted?
     
     
  2. The News reports that:  “More children and teens are being exposed to online pornography, mostly by accidentally viewing sexually explicit Web sites while surfing the Internet”
     
     Conversation Starters :
     The News reported that more children and teens are being exposed to online pornography, mostly by accident.  Why do you think this is happening?
     Have you ever been accidentally exposed to internet porn?
     How do you feel about that?
   

•  Don’t “win the Battle and lose the war!  “

Conversation Stoppers:

• “As long as you’re living under my roof, you will do exactly as I say. End of discussion.”
• “Do you actually think I’m going to let you do that?”
• “Your sister never gave me these problems.”
• “Someday, when you’re older, you will understand.”
• “Do you want to be grounded for life? I said NO, that’s final”
• “Would you jump off a bridge if your friends did?”
• “Do you understand me?”
• “I am so sick and tired…”
• “Wipe that look off your face!”
• “When I was a kid, if I even thought of…, I would get beaten with a belt?”
  
  Your kids are looking to fit in, grow to be their own person, and become more independent.  At the same time, they need to be guided through the mine field of life in the real world.  You can slam the door on communication because, after all, you are the parent!  Or, you can open a way of communication, trust, and sharing because, after all, you are the parent!  Make the right choice, it’s not easy, but they need you now more then ever.

• Understanding your critical role
• Is your home a porn trap?
• Age appropriate tips & resources
• Building an action plan

It's never been more true
" It takes a village to raise a child"